Tools That Should Be Invented from Sawmill Creek

This TARDIS was a project of high schooler Alex Rothera in George Trout's Springfield (PA) class. No word on whether it expands a shop.

"The other day, I was getting ready to make the stiles of the doors of my masterpiece cabinet humidor. I grabbed the piece of wood I had been saving to make them and started cutting. When I cut the first piece, I laid it on the table and it rocked from end to end. The wood wasn't stable enough and it twisted...it was from the same tree and color and so on. I thought to myself, 'Someone needs to invent a tool that can measure tension int wood grain.' This story made me wonder, how many of you have come across a problem like this and thought, 'Someone should make a tool that does.....'" - Bill

He got many responses. - Editor

"A magnet that is attracted to nonferrous metal. Just for fun, a laser-guided Japanese pull saw." - Gene

"A near-silent router. I would still like to know it's running, but only barely." - Steve

"A very loud, audible stupid alarm, which would go off before I: cut the last piece of hard-to-shape hardwood molding exactly 1" too short; put the board in the dovetail jig wrong-side-out and cut a set of beautiful dovetails on the opposite side from the other end; forget to pay attention to grain orientation when breaking down sheet goods and end up with a cross grain cut for the drawer bottom dado...-- all in the last 30 days." - Erik

"A cloaking device that covers my tool deliveries so my wife doesn't see what I bought." - Mark

Some dealt with dreams of power tools. - Editor

"What I would like, and I am sure many others with basement shops, are a line of stationary tools that are as big and beefy as the top-of-the-line ones, but are completely modular in design. Unlock a bunch of cam bolts (or what have you), and that 400-pound machine breaks down into eight 50-pound pieces that can easily be carried down the stairs and around tight corners to be reassembled in minutes." - John H.

"A true riving knife that can be retrofitted onto an older cabinet-style table saw – for under $200!" - Jason

Some wanted to alter the space-time continuum – at least when it came to shop space and shop time. - Editor

"For the Dr. Who fans: a TARDIS-like device that would allow a 500' x 500' shop/mancave to be accessed via an old English police box that would sit in the corner of my tiny garage." - Pat

"A device that stops time once I enter the shop so the rest of life doesn't keep intruding on my ability to finish a project." - Gary

And one poster had an intriguing idea for a power tool add-on accessory. - Editor

"An exclusive line of women's shoes highly marketed and sought after by all well-dressed ladies, which are not sold in any outlet whatsoever, but can only be acquired in conjunction with a major tool purchase. You want the gold-colored heels from 'Christian Yves St. de Chanel'? You have to buy the 12" jointer from Powermatic to get them. You want the emerald and cream pair? Gotta purchase the Grizzly 514 x 2 band saw. Seriously, whose wife doesn't deserve a pair of those shoes? I know mine does!" - Dave M.

What is a Glue-Up Disaster? From Sawmill Creek

The original poster in this thread had heard dire threats of what would happen if he built a table using his planned method of construction – dire, unspecified threats, that is. His question tried to pin down the answer to what, exactly, is a glue-up disaster? - Editor

"I am building a dining table, 72" by 38". The top is coming out nice and flat, but it doesn't mean it will remain that way forever, unless wood is prevented from having its way. I am considering a breadboard at each end of the table, and probably two pieces of wood attached underneath the table top. The plan is to keep the surface flat for the foreseeable future.

"Having seen various projects and comments on the subject, there is an abundance of warnings against gluing cross grain or else a disaster will take place. Since I'm still lacking in all the woodworking experience I would like to have, for now this disaster sounds to me like a boogie man or the big bad wolf. Especially that I have seen table tops of similar size glued up underneath. After 20 years, they show no signs of any disasters or big bad wolves. So what would that 'disaster' consist of if it actually did happen? Bulged table top? Split members of the glue-up?" - Darius

Some respondents, instead of answering that question, instead provided Darius with construction advice. - Editor

"Are there long overhangs? If not, then the tables apron should hold things flat, using a fixed center attachment with others floating. One thing I've done that seems to work OK is to use a pocket hole jig to make pockets on the inside of the apron, with the center pocket normal width, and the side pockets' pilot holes elongated to allow for movement." - Stephen

"Hi Darius, the issue is wood movement due to changes in humidity. If you have a wide board that's flatsawn, the wood will expand and contract with changes in humidity. For a breadboard end, I glue the middle section of the breadboard (maybe 2 or 3 inches) then leave the remainder floating. To keep the ends of the breadboard tight to the table, use a sliding dovetail, or vertical dowel pins that are in fixed holes in the breadboard, and slots in the tongue of the table. This allows the table to expand and contract regardless of the fixed length breadboard end. Note that at different times of the year the breadboard will be shorter than the table is wide." - Rod

But he did get a few responses from people with actual experience of "glue-up disasters." - Editor

"I know a couple with a dining table about that size. It had legs at the corners, and the usual aprons. The boards in the top ran the short direction, and they were glued to the aprons. In the winter, the top would be nearly straight. In the summer, the middle would rise about an inch." - Jamie

"I had a table where the top was firmly attached to the stretchers with pocket screws. One day, the top split with an almighty crack. Fortunately, the glue failed, not the wood, and it was repaired as good as new – in fact, better, 'cause the carpenter allowed for wood movement." - David